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Being offended or causing offense erodes relationship. In recent days, I have talked to more than a few people who find themselves embroiled in some kind of offense between them and other people. Loved ones, friends, acquaintances, work mates, neighbours. If that’s you today, I really would like a few minutes of your attention.
Working through offense is one of the hardest and most important parts of following Jesus. Whether you’ve hurt someone or they’ve hurt you, Scripture keeps calling us back to humility, honesty, and forgiveness (Proverbs 19:11; Ephesians 4:32). It is simple in theory and costly in practice, but it is also where real freedom and deep relationships are found (Colossians 3:13).
The book of Proverbs says it is wise and even beautiful to be “slow to anger” and to be willing to overlook an offense (Proverbs 19:11). That does not mean one pretends nothing happened; it means refusing to let every slight or misunderstanding become a wedge (Proverbs 17:9). There are times when the most Christlike thing you can do is to take a deep breath, assume the best, and let it go instead of replaying it in your mind for days (Proverbs 17:9).
But the Bible also recognizes that some offenses can’t just be shrugged off. Jesus teaches that if you realize someone has something against you, your first move should be to go and make it right with them (Matthew 5:23–24). The priority is so high that He says to deal with the relationship even before you finish your act of worship (Matthew 5:23–24). In other words, God cares deeply about how you and your brother or sister are actually doing, not just about you “going to church” (Matthew 5:23–24). The ongoing connection between two Jesus followers has way more to do with church than anything that goes on on Sunday morning.
When you’re the one who has been hurt, Jesus gives another clear path. Instead of gossiping about the person or quietly cutting them off, He says to go to them directly and talk about it one-on-one (Matthew 18:15). Often, offense grows in the dark; a private, honest conversation can reveal a simple misunderstanding or open a door to real repentance (Matthew 18:15). If that does not work, then you wisely bring in others for help, but the starting point is always person-to-person, not public shaming (Matthew 18:16–17).
Of course, none of this is possible without a heart that is willing to forgive. Jesus links our forgiveness of others with our experience of God’s forgiveness in a way that is meant to sober us (Matthew 6:14–15). Forgiveness is not saying what was done is okay, and it does not erase healthy boundaries; it is choosing to release the right to get even and entrusting justice to God (Romans 12:19). When Peter asked how many times he needed to forgive, Jesus’ answer—essentially “keep forgiving”—shows that believers are called to a lifestyle of forgiveness, not a one-time act (Matthew 18:21–22).
The New Testament paints a picture of communities where people “bear with one another” and “forgive one another” the way Christ forgave them (Colossians 3:13). That means expecting that people will sometimes be immature, selfish, or careless—and deciding ahead of time not to let bitterness take root (Ephesians 4:31–32). Instead of rehearsing the wrong, believers are urged to be kind, tender-hearted, and quick to offer grace, because that is exactly how God has treated them in Jesus (Ephesians 4:32).
Working through offense also means refusing to strike back. Romans urges believers not to repay evil for evil but to do what leads toward peace as far as it depends on them (Romans 12:17–18). Jesus’ teaching about turning the other cheek is not about becoming a doormat; it is about breaking the cycle of retaliation (Matthew 5:38–39). When you choose not to answer offense with more offense, you are trusting that God sees, God cares, and God will handle what you cannot (Romans 12:19).
In the end, dealing with offense—whether you caused it or received it—is really about living out the good news of Jesus. You come humbly when you have wronged someone, because you know you are a forgiven sinner (1 John 1:9). You extend grace when you have been wronged, because you know how much grace you have received (Luke 6:37; Ephesians 1:7). That kind of posture does not eliminate every conflict, but it transforms how you walk through it: slower to anger, quicker to listen, honest about hurt, and determined to pursue peace (James 1:19–20; Romans 12:18).
I pray daily that you find the courage and the humility to have these restorative conversations with others when offense drifts into your lives. Reach out to someone today.